Personal Media. (Originally Written July 31st, 2014)

I can’t remember the last time I posted something to Social Media that was truly a personal testament without it being somewhat “branded”.  Of course the art is deeply personal but as an artist when you make the decision to put it out there you’re, in a way, giving into some level of commercializing what you create.  I’m OK whit that.  I’ve thrived on it.  But I miss the time when I could use social media as a way of saying something that I felt, or was feeling.  I miss writing.  I think I’ve learned something about myself over the last few years through social media that I may not have understood had I never came to the realization that I have an audience larger than that of the group of friends and family I actually know and have personal relationships with.  I have a desire to perform.  That’s always been when I’ve enjoyed my hobby craft of bartending the most and done the best at it, when I’m essentially performing.  The same has gone for my art.  I need the pressure and the unrelenting notion that I will be judged.  That’s when I thrive in creating.  All with the exception of writing.

I’ve always thought of writing as my most personal medium and the one I truly find the most personally therapeutic.  It’s also the medium I am the shy-est about sharing.  As the audience has grown the writing has naturally seeked further seclusion.  That is a disappointment to me.  The writing is fuel for everything else and becomes the most honest depiction of what I would love to give to the world creatively.  We do the silliest things on stage.  We don’t allow ourselves to pick our noses when we know other are watching, but we act as though we are comfortable.  Sometimes you just have to pick your nose!  Fear has never been something I allow to change my direction or my need to continue down the paths I’ve chosen.  I’m honored to have been caught with my finger in my nose in the hypothetical landscape of social media from time to time.  It’s a reminder that I am still doing what I do for the right reasons.  And though sometimes the performance of keeping up social media’s becomes overwhelming and devoid of anything actually social, it’s allowed me a voice I could never have imagined. 

Tonight as I was floating through my usual motions working, and plastering my Facebook with promo, I had a small moment of clarity.  I put down what I was doing and grabbed my car keys.  I needed to be reminded, if only briefly, why I loved art.  I needed to do one of those things that you hope no one will see but helps you breathe just a little bit easier…  As I sat in the theater and watched a film I had been so excited to see all I could understand about what I had been doing all day was that I was one of the very few people that lives the way they want to.  That gets to say the things they want to, and show the world the things they want to.  I love what I do.  And though the climate for how these things present themselves often changes, I appreciate those moments when the sun comes out.  And more so I appreciate that I have an audience to see and hear, and READ what I find in some way worthy of sharing. 

So thank you.  Thank you to those that have always read the madness I often write.  And thank you to those who continue to support the madness I relentlessly clog your various media’s with.  Those of you in my closest of circles that have seen 8 million invites and continue to show up and support, fucking thanks you guys…  Seriously.  Damn, I am a fortunate one.  No self promoting needed for that.  This message has nothing social about it.