Yesterday I bought a new shirt. Seems null, average, mundane… But it was the first new shirt I’ve bought in quite some time. Today as I put on my new shirt I felt a like a new man. I looked sharp, grown up, educated, and powerful.
And then I looked at Instagram and saw my ex girlfriends lovely post of her new happy times basking in the sun with her new boyfriend. So I harnessed the power of my new self in my new shirt. I clicked the indicator that I was, indeed pathetically, still following her, and almost pressed “Unfollow”. This fucking shirt is broken, I’m taking it back.